Thoughts On A Sister Long Departed, But Departed Too Soon

They’d reserved the largest funeral home available… and still, it was standing-room-only.  You always get a crowd when someone dies “before their time.” I ask you, does ANYONE ever think it’s his or her time? These weren’t just locals filling the hall to the rafters… once word got out, people made it their business to get there.  Her last congregation chartered a plane so they could all come. Really.

Maybe you wouldn’t get that kind of crowd today.  This was before funerals were “streamed” or “Skyped.”  There was all that inconvenience of taking time off from “regular” lives. We dressed in black, carried an adequate supply of Kleenex in our little black handbags, signed a hard cover book of condolences, not a virtual one, and dutifully filed past a beautiful 8x10, guaranteed to break your heart.

In life, if you play your cards right, when you go, someone delivers a nice eulogy on your behalf.  But today, one eulogy after the next knocked it out of the park.  As they say in the Book of Proverbs: “A Woman of Valor, who can find?  Her worth is far above rubies!”

We had been sisters.  Actually, there were three of us before the tragic and untimely demise of the eldest.  Now we were down to two, sitting tight… side by side… hunched together… listening.

Who were they talking about? Was this OUR sister?  The one who watched PBS, listened to NPR and had read “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” from cover to cover?  The one you called for answers to questions on potty training, pre-schools and puberty?  Only slightly older, she grew up beside us, but soon flew past us to college, to marriage, to motherhood, and somehow, under our radar, she managed to sail through so many lives, leaving a trail of lasting goodness.

Somewhere, after eulogy three or four, my remaining sister elbowed me and in a very hushed voice asked, “How do you think I’ll be remembered?”  She paused, and then whispered solemnly, in my ear, her own eulogy, “She played Mah Jong and Tennis.”  I squeezed her hand hard to suppress my laughter, and to keep from crying.

Soon, the events of the day were over.  The last words of consolation were uttered, the last guests had left, and I returned to my hotel room with my mind numb and my heart exhausted. Drifting off that night, I recalled my sister's words at the funeral when she posed the question “how would she be remembered?” Before dropping off to a night of deep, deep dreamless sleep, I mumbled to the walls,  “and how will I be remembered?”

I’m Jewish. Is It Okay for Me to Celebrate Valentine’s Day? – You Bet! Just ask the Vatican and Rabbi Moshe Isserlis (Poland 1520-1572)

Once upon a time, Valentine’s Day was simple.  School children, even Jewish children knew to squirrel away a shoebox for future use as a Valentine Mail Box.  We were well versed in the procedure.  Cover with paper, decorate, cut a slit in the top… and bring to school in anticipation of February 14. Then, we waited to see how many cards we would get… and who sent them!

And what did we learn from this ritual?  We learned about both the excitement and dread that can accompany anticipation.  We learned about yearning and hope and that no matter how hard you pray for something, you don’t always get it.  We learned that love comes from some of the most unexpected places.  And we learned a very Jewish lesson, “Do unto OTHERS as you would have THEM do to YOU!” We even learned compassion.  Maybe we gave the prettiest cards to our best friends, but we intuitively knew that no matter who the ‘in’ kids were and who the ‘out’ kids were, nobody should be left out and made to feel hurt or shame.

Now that we are adults, we can add one other important lesson to Valentine’s Day.  In the Book of Leviticus, we are instructed to “Love thy neighbor as thy self.”  Psychologists say that self-love is necessary for humans to be able to extend love to others. 

Still, many Jewish people feel “conflicted” about Valentine’s Day. With the greeting card industry selling over 140 million cards each year for Valentine’s Day, and with advertisers hawking pajama-grams, and chocolate covered strawberries in addition to flowers and jewelry, exactly what are Jews supposed to feel about celebrating the holiday?

Before I get into the Halakha (Jewish Ruling) regarding celebrating holidays that were originally celebrated by gentiles, I’d like to give you a little background on February 14, both from religious  (Christian) and secular perspectives.

MYTH BUSTER ALERT: Hallmark did not invent the Valentine’s Day card.  Such cards started out in Victorian England, as a way of expressing interest and intent at a time when marrying for “love” was quite a new idea.  The concept of elaborate Valentine cards was imported to America by Emily Dickenson’s cousin, Esther Howland.  Her father had a stationary business in Worcester, Massachusetts, and she hired young girls to make the intricate cards in her home.  It became a thriving business.  The rest as they say, is history.

Fast forward to 1969.  During Vatican II, the Catholic Church removed “Saint Valentine’s Day” from their calendar.  Seems there wasn’t enough credible information on someone by that name to give him an actual “Saints Day.”  (Rumor has it that someone named “Valentine,” right before meeting his doom, wrote a letter expressing love for a young woman, and signed it, ‘Your Valentine.’)

As for Jewish Halakha (legal ruling) regarding the celebration of holidays that were originally celebrated by gentiles, Rabbi Moshe Isserlis, who lived in the mid 1500’s in Poland, explained that there are four criteria that must be met in order to permit Jewish celebration of rituals initiated by gentiles. (Another holiday that falls into this category is Thanksgiving.)

First, does the debated activity have a secular origin or value?  Second, can one rationally explain the behavior or ritual apart from the gentile holiday or event? Third, if there are idolatrous origins, have they disappeared?  And fourth, are the activities actually consistent with Jewish tradition and values?

So let’s take a look and see how Valentine’s Day stacks up. The giving of cards, chocolates and gifts can be explained as rational expressions of love and appreciation independent of possible Christian roots.  (Roots that are questionable at best.) As for the holiday’s idolatrous origins? Scholars say that Valentine's Day is not derived from the pagan holiday Lupercalia.  The desire to express love and to offer gifts as a symbol of those feelings is certainly in line with Jewish tradition and values. As for the idea of a special day set aside for love, the Jewish matchmaking festival, ‘Tu B’Av’ - the 15th day of the Jewish month of Av, is being revitalized today in Modern Israel!

So have a Happy Valentine’s Day!  As your rabbi, I can tell you that you have my blessing.  Throw out the guilt and go enjoy the chocolate, the flowers, and the Hallmark cards! And don’t forget about the love.  Without a doubt, celebrating LOVE is very JEWISH!

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Rose

Pete Seeger and Camp Blue Mountain… I Thank them both For Making me a Zionist by age 10

My earliest memories of attending Bar Mitzvah and wedding parties back in the late 50’s and early 60’s include “flash backs” to undulating waves of guests in circles within circles, holding hands and dancing to “Hava Nagilah,” and “Tzena, Tzena, Tzena.” The first few strains from the band brought everyone to their feet (after kicking off their shoes) and running to the center of the room. Everyone knew the words, and everyone sang. It wasn’t a “Jewish affair” without these songs. There was electricity in the air as guests from all over the country were united by a common thread of Jewish (and Israeli) Pride.

Then, Israel was a new state, so new in fact, that it didn’t have a national “sound” reflecting the youth and energy of a new nation. Then Pete Seeger’s recording of “Tzena, Tzena, Tzena” was released in 1950. It captured that new spirit and was an immediate success, going straight to the top of the charts. I watched a video clip of “Tzena” on TV from 1951, and it was introduced this way, “If you’ve been dancing to this song for the past year, you should know that it comes from the new state of Israel.”  English lyrics were added along with the Hebrew.

On Christmas Eve, 1955, Pete Seeger and The Weavers had a “comeback” performance at Carnegie Hall, having been blacklisted by the music industry after Seeger’s appearance before the House Un-American Activities Committe. Sung during this concert, in addition to the very popular “Tzena” were other Hebrew songs including  “Shalom Chaverim,” and “Mi Yimalel.” Two albums came out of this concert and, as we say today, “went viral.” 

As for that other standard,  “Hava Nagila?” That was popularized by Harry Belafonte, in his concert “Harry Belafonte at Carnegie Hall” in 1959. It became the lifetime  standard of his career.  When interviewed about the impact of Hava Nagila in his life, he told the writer John Leland in his book Hip: The History, “Life is not worthwhile without it. Most Jews in America learned that song from me.”

The impact of Seeger and Belafonte on American and Canadian Jews cannot be underestimated. Israeli folk dancing, Israeli music, and Jewish pride in the new State of Israel erupted. Their voices swerved us from the despair and victimhood of World War II to the elation of Israeli Independence.

The rest, as they say, is history.  College students all over America started singing the songs and grasped on to the Folk Music Revolution. (Note: Seeger’s father was a Harvard musicologist and Pete had traveled with his dad on many of his folk music collecting forays.)  These college students then started working at Jewish summer camps.  They taught the songs to campers who then brought them back to their communities.  Some campers and counselors went on to become professional Song Leaders, Youth Leaders, Rabbis, and Cantors in congregations and camps all over America. And through this Jewish Folk Music revival came a new industry filled with recordings by fabulous, dedicated songwriters and musicians who shaped the modern Zionist and religious music of the Reform and Conservative movements.  They brought the guitars, the drums, the pianos, the tambourines and “ruach” (spirit) and moved us from a minor to a major key. 

Now, can someone explain to me exactly WHY we dance “The Macarena,” “The Electric Slide,” “The Chicken Dance” and “YMCA” at Bar Mitzvahs and Jewish Weddings?

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Rose

A Visit to See a Poignant Piece of American History at The University of Virginia – On International Holocaust Remembrance Day

From a speech given by UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, January 24, 2014

“Every year on the anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz concentration camp, we commemorate the victims of the Holocaust.  We recall the suffering of millions of innocent people, and highlight the perils of anti-Semitism and hatred of any kind.”                                 

On January 27, International Holocaust Remembrance Day, Gary and I headed to Charlottesville to see a traveling exhibit housed in the Brody Jewish Student Center, at the University of Virginia entitled, “The Survivors’ Talmud.”

The exhibit consists of a 20 minute video presentation, dense with information on an aspect of the Holocaust neither of us had ever heard or read about. This remarkable story only starts when the war ends. The U.S. Army had been charged with creating a sense of “normalcy” for those Jews who were stuck in “limbo,” awaiting visa’s for entry into the US or Palestine. However, after President Truman’s personal emissary, Earl G. Harrison, reported on the conditions in the DP camps, it became apparent that the directive was being ignored by Army leadership, thus provoking a strong letter to General Eisenhower from President Truman. An original carbon copy of that letter is also in the case. The entire text of President Truman’s very moving letter to General Eisenhower setting forth his concerns about Jewish life in occupied Europe can be read here.

For Jews, “normalcy” meant study, and without Jewish texts there could be no study! Since the Talmud is the heart of Jewish discourse, it was determined that new copies of the Talmud should be printed and distributed to DP camps and other places where Jews had been resettled.

An extensive search was made throughout the Allied Sector of occupied Europe for a complete set of the Talmud, but none could be found. It seems that along with the meticulous burning of synagogues, houses of learning, and six million Jews, every copy of the Talmud (made up of multiple volumes) had also gone up in flames. During the Holocaust, Nazis sympathizers burned thousands upon thousands of Jewish books and holy texts in mass book burnings. In fact the English word, Holocaust, was first applied to describe a grand scale public book burning in Germany in1933, when Germans began the task of ridding themselves of that most dangerous of weapons, the printed word.

With no prototype to be found in the Allied Zone, two complete copies of the Talmud were located in New York, (remember America was NOT a hotbed of Talmudic scholarship in 1946) and shipped to Germany to be printed – on a press that had just recently been printing Nazi propaganda!  There were shortages of everything after the war, and that included massive amounts of paper, and ink, which were requisitioned through the Army.

And so, at the behest of and with the blessings of President Truman, these copies of the Talmud were printed and distributed. The original plan was for 500 editions, of which 50 were actually produced by the U.S. Army. It is one of these complete sets that is housed in the display case at UVA.  The title page of each volume depicts a Nazi slave labor camp surrounded by barbed wire. Above it are palm trees and scenes of Israel. These images are connected by the Hebrew words: "From bondage to freedom, from darkness to a great light."

There is a very sweet moment in the video as we see photos and listen to the narrator talk about the boredom in the camps. First he shows listless men sitting around doing nothing, hopeless about the future.  Then you see a few men reading the Talmud.  Subsequent pictures show whole rooms of men studying Talmud, in tandem (chevrutah) across from each other. “If the papa’s happy, the mama’s happy.” We see smiling women in a workshop learning to trim hats.  “If the mama’s happy, the children are happy.” We see children eagerly engrossed in their studies and at play. Once hope was restored, happiness could be restored, as well as trust and love.

Here are the words, from our not that distant past, that are inscribed in the first volume of each of the Survivors’ Talmud. The dedication appears in English:

“In 1946 we turned to the American Army Commander to assist us in the publication of the Talmud. In all the years of exile it has often happened that various governments and forces have burned Jewish books. Never did any publish them for us. This is the first time in Jewish history that a government has helped in the publication of the Talmud, which is the source of our being and the length of our days. The Army of the United States saved us from death, protects us in this land, and through their aid does the Talmud appear again in Germany.”

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Rose

Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it. -Proverbs 22:6

“Mom, stop it!” yes, once again I had embarrassed my pre-teen son in public. “Why do you have to stop and talk to every baby you see!”  He was reprimanding me for, once again, engaging an unknown baby in a highchair at a restaurant.  I thought for a moment, flailing about for a good answer… then it hit me. “Ari, it’s just that, well, it’s just that they are such, such POTENTIAL HUMANS!” 

Yes, that was it.  Each and every Cheerios gumming baby or toddler I encountered, whether lashed into a stroller at the airport, or belted into a grocery cart, or strapped into a car seat was a “potential human.”

I love looking into their eyes, I love talking to them, I love watching them get sucked in, ever so briefly, by a mimed game of patty-cake or peek-a-boo, or throwing kisses.  And just for a moment, the eyes flash, or there is a squeal of joy, or a surreptitious wave.

Which brings us to last week’s Tot Shabbat at my synogogue.  We had seven little ones, with parents, including a set of two-year-old twin boys.  I was THRILLED!  Even more thrilling was the fact that all those parents had sought out a congregation, learned about Tot Shabbat, and trudged out on a wintery Saturday morning, driving in from Bristow, Manassas, and Gainesville, none of which were all that close to where we meet. The parents were in full voice, and game for anything. They prayed, they carried the Torah and marched down the hallway singing a rousing rendition of  “Torah Tzivalanu Moshe” as their children, carrying seven little stuffed Torahs, marched behind.  Every parent clapped on cue, or modeled the appropriate sound effect as we worked our way through Shabbat and Tu B’shevat songs, Tu B’shevat stories, as well as Tu B’shevat foods! 

From the reaction of the Tots, it was evident that the ritual items of Shabbat, candles, challah, and Kiddush cup, as well as the blessings had already been incorporated into the rhythm of their week. These parents had made it a priority to “make Shabbat” for their little ones. And before we concluded, the parents were putting together a plan for TOT HAVDALAH, in the home of one of our members. 

Suddenly, all the negativity I had felt from reading article after article on the decline of Judaism sparked by the results of the Pew Study on Jewish Americans, simply faded from my mind. There, before my eyes, were committed parents and Jewish children, not statistics.

I took a deep breath, and let it out. Not only were these little ones “potential humans” but they were also, “potential Jews.”  God willing, we as a community, will take it upon ourselves to nurture these seedlings so that we may grow the next crop, the next generation, of committed Jewish families.

Rabbi Rose

Spring Is Just Around the Corner – Well, in ISRAEL, That Is!

As with all our other holidays this past year, Tu B’shevat, the “birthday of the trees” will be arriving “early” (at least on the Gregorian Calendar) next week, despite the frigid air in North America!  While we are scraping the ice off our windshields, Israel will soon be bathed in pink and white, as the almond trees start to blossom and once again, the earth renews itself.

One of my favorite Tu B’shevat activities to do with young children is to plant seeds in a small container so they can experience the magic of watching them grow.  Parsley seeds are a nice thing to plant, and put on the windowsill. Through careful management of sun and water, you should have some parsley for your Passover Seder! 

We use the expression, “planting a seed” to mean so many things.  It can mean the beginning of an idea that will “germinate” into something positive, or we can plant “seeds of doubt” or plant “seeds of discontent.” Unlike “voila” moments, when the light bulb goes off in your head and everything becomes perfectly clear, “planting a seed” requires that the mind be prepared to accept that seed, and that seed needs to be nurtured in order to come to fruition.

But what if we went to the seed rack at Home Depot and found that all the seed packets were blank?  It throws us off, because we’ve always taken it for granted that if we plant a certain variety, within an exact gestation period we should expect to get exactly what we planned for… down to color, size, texture and taste and smell.

Since October, when the results of the Pew Research Center’s Religion and Public Life Project study “A Portrait of Jewish Americans” were released, there have been seismic rumblings throughout the Jewish world.  Throughout organized Jewish life there has been gloom, doom and a “Chicken Little” cry of “The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling” as article after article bemoans the projected fate of the American Jew. 

The numbers show that America’s Jewish population is declining, and religion is becoming less important to overall Jewish identity.  With 62 percent of U.S. Jews identifying with their heritage through ancestry, instead of religious affiliation or faith, Pew Research asked the following question: “What does being Jewish mean in America today?”

Here are the answers in order of their popularity:

73%    Remembering the Holocaust

69%    Leading an ethical life                                                          

56%    Working for justice and equality

43%    Caring about Israel

42%    Having a good sense of humor (I kid you not!)

I refuse to be shaken by the numbers. Since the beginning of Jewish history, we have heard about our impending doom.  After the destruction of the First Temple, the crème de la crème of Jerusalem’s Jews were carried off in captivity to Babylon. The Jews of the Spanish Inquisition were faced with death, conversion, or expulsion. Enlightenment and Emancipation with their new opportunities shook the foundations of traditional Jewish life in Europe. The pogroms in Eastern Europe cast wave after wave of immigrants to the shores of America. The Holocaust destroyed a thousand years of secular and religious life, in the wave of a hand. And Israel, as we have seen since its inception, is always on the precipice of destruction (although these days I worry more about INTERNAL COMBUSTION than EXTERNAL THREATS!)

Picture, if you will, these events as “unmarked seed packets.”  One by one history tore open these packets and tossed them up into the winds of change.  Each packet, and its subsequent dispersion, has yielded unexpected and unanticipated results. From the Babylonian captivity we created a new system of Judaism that allowed us to be remain Jewish without the sacrificial system. From the Spanish Inquisition we dispersed to every corner of the earth and established new and vibrant centers of learning, commerce, and Jewish culture. From the Enlightenment, we gained access to the new worlds of Science, Philosophy, Literature, Politics and Art. The Pogroms awoke a passionate call for a Jewish State. The “poor huddled masses yearning to be free” built a Jewish America, the likes of which could never have been imagined.  From the dust and ashes of the Holocaust came the State of Israel, a political and spiritual address for the world’s Jews, be they secular or religious.

So, here we are. While the Pew Results appear to portend grim things for the fate of Jews in America, I don’t agree with the doom scenario.  Instead, I say, “Look at all those unmarked seed packets!”  Let’s toss them into the air and see where the winds of change lead.  All I ask is that America’s Jews remain receptive.  Wherever these seeds land, they will still require water and sunshine, and nurturing (and perhaps a little infusion of financial fertilizer) to take root and grow, and hopefully, flourish.  Our numbers have waxed and waned throughout history.  Doom has often lurked right over the horizon.  And yet, we continue to blossom and make adaptive changes just like any evolving living thing.

For some words of solace regarding the Pew predictions, I leave you with the closing remarks of an article written by Mark Twain in Harper’s Magazine, March 1898, entitled “Concerning the Jews.”

“To conclude. - If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one per cent. of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of star-dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way. Properly the Jew ought hardly to be heard of; but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world's list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers.

He has made a marvelous fight in this world, in all the ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him. He could be vain of himself, and be excused for it. The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed, and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other peoples have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished.

The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was, exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing of his energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality? “

Rabbi Rose

New Year’s Resolutions – It isn’t over ‘til it’s over!

 The New Year has arrived!  Welcome 2014! 

I know, I know… the SECULAR New Year.  But I’m Jewish! Isn’t our New Year at Rosh Hashana?  Truth be told, “New Year” as a holiday does not exist in the Torah!  Instead, we have FOUR New Years.  Rosh Hashana, for calculating calendar years; Tu B’shevat, the “new year” for trees; the first of Nisan is the calendar “new year” for reckoning festivals; and the first day of Elul is the “new year” for animal tithes!

We Jews observe Rosh Hashana as the “Head of the Year” and associate it with dipping apples in honey as well as Teshuva, asking for forgiveness for a multitude of commissions and omissions.  There is a ten day window of opportunity, with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, the last day to “make it right” before the “Gates of Heaven” slam shut. 

Repentance is hard work, and it isn’t as much fun as sitting in front of your TV and toasting the New Year with a bit of the bubbly as a gigantic Waterford Crystal ball descends on Time Square, accompanied by 50 tons of confetti!

Fortunately, as Jews, we have two opportunities to “get it right.”  We can work on the religious items while observing the Jewish New Year and the more mundane items for the secular New Year.  The Jewish New Year allows for a clean spiritual slate.  The secular New Year sets our imagination on the future and challenges us to make positive, personal choices. “New Year’s Resolutions!” We can identify some resolutions through statistical data. Health Club memberships soar (“get healthy in the coming year”) as do sales for Rosetta Stone. (“ I will learn Mandarin Chinese or French or Hebrew this year”)

It’s not that we set ourselves up for failure with these noble resolutions, but before the month is out, most resolutions fall by the wayside. Perhaps it is so difficult to keep these resolutions because we ask too much of ourselves at one time. Along with the ‘big’ resolutions, tuck in a few that are doable… like flossing every night or making sure to put a few coins in a Tzedahkah box every Friday night.  And if you “fall off the horse” just forgive yourself and get back on!  There are 365 days in the year, and each day is a chance to do better than the day before.

With that in mind, I’d like to leave you with sage advice from Reb Nachman of Bratzlav, as relevant today as over 200 years ago when he spoke these words:

“If you are not going to be better tomorrow than you are today,

then what do you need tomorrow for?”

Gary and I wish each one of you a happy, healthy and prosperous year.  We have had a wonderful year with FJC, filled with warmth and friendship, and the excitement of watching our congregation grow! May God give each and every one of us the wisdom and compassion to sustain each other as a Kehilla Kedosha, a holy community, in 2014,

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Rose