Once
upon a time, Valentine’s Day was simple.
School children, even Jewish children
knew to squirrel away a shoebox for future use as a Valentine Mail Box. We were well versed in the procedure. Cover with paper, decorate, cut a slit in the
top… and bring to school in anticipation of February 14. Then, we waited to see
how many cards we would get… and who sent them!
And
what did we learn from this ritual? We
learned about both the excitement and dread that can accompany
anticipation. We learned about yearning
and hope and that no matter how hard you pray for something, you don’t always
get it. We learned that love comes from
some of the most unexpected places. And
we learned a very Jewish lesson, “Do unto OTHERS as you would have THEM do to
YOU!” We even learned compassion. Maybe
we gave the prettiest cards to our best friends, but we intuitively knew that
no matter who the ‘in’ kids were and who the ‘out’ kids were, nobody should be
left out and made to feel hurt or shame.
Now that we are adults,
we can add one other important lesson to Valentine’s Day. In the Book of Leviticus, we are instructed to
“Love thy neighbor as thy self.”
Psychologists say that self-love
is necessary for humans to be able to extend love to others.
Still,
many Jewish people feel “conflicted” about Valentine’s Day. With the greeting
card industry selling over 140 million cards each year for Valentine’s Day, and
with advertisers hawking pajama-grams, and chocolate covered strawberries in
addition to flowers and jewelry, exactly what are Jews supposed to feel about
celebrating the holiday?
Before
I get into the Halakha (Jewish Ruling) regarding celebrating holidays that were
originally celebrated by gentiles, I’d like to give you a little background on
February 14, both from religious
(Christian) and secular perspectives.
MYTH
BUSTER ALERT: Hallmark did not invent
the Valentine’s Day card. Such cards
started out in Victorian England, as a way of expressing interest and intent at
a time when marrying for “love” was quite a new idea. The concept of elaborate Valentine cards was
imported to America by Emily Dickenson’s cousin, Esther Howland. Her father had a stationary business in
Worcester, Massachusetts, and she hired young girls to make the intricate cards
in her home. It became a thriving
business. The rest as they say, is
history.
Fast
forward to 1969. During Vatican II, the
Catholic Church removed “Saint Valentine’s Day” from their calendar. Seems there wasn’t enough credible
information on someone by that name to give him an actual “Saints Day.” (Rumor has it that someone named “Valentine,”
right before meeting his doom, wrote a letter expressing love for a young
woman, and signed it, ‘Your Valentine.’)
As for
Jewish Halakha (legal ruling) regarding the celebration of holidays that were
originally celebrated by gentiles, Rabbi Moshe Isserlis, who lived in the mid
1500’s in Poland, explained that there are four criteria that must be met in
order to permit Jewish celebration of rituals initiated by gentiles. (Another
holiday that falls into this category is Thanksgiving.)
First,
does the debated activity have a secular origin or value? Second, can one rationally explain the
behavior or ritual apart from the gentile holiday or event? Third, if there are
idolatrous origins, have they disappeared?
And fourth, are the activities actually consistent with Jewish tradition
and values?
So
let’s take a look and see how Valentine’s Day stacks up. The giving of cards,
chocolates and gifts can be explained as rational expressions of love and
appreciation independent of possible Christian roots. (Roots that are questionable at best.) As for
the holiday’s idolatrous origins? Scholars say that Valentine's Day is not derived from the pagan holiday Lupercalia. The desire to express love and to offer gifts
as a symbol of those feelings is certainly in line with Jewish tradition and
values. As for the idea of a special day set aside for love, the Jewish
matchmaking festival, ‘Tu B’Av’ - the 15th day of the Jewish month of Av, is
being revitalized today in Modern Israel!
So
have a Happy Valentine’s Day! As your rabbi,
I can tell you that you have my blessing.
Throw out the guilt and go enjoy the chocolate, the flowers, and the
Hallmark cards! And don’t forget about the love. Without a doubt, celebrating LOVE is very
JEWISH!
Shabbat
Shalom,
Rabbi
Rose
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