Monday, February 17, 2014

Thoughts On A Sister Long Departed, But Departed Too Soon




They’d reserved the largest funeral home available… and still, it was standing-room-only.  You always get a crowd when someone dies “before their time.” I ask you, does ANYONE ever think it’s his or her time? These weren’t just locals filling the hall to the rafters… once word got out, people made it their business to get there.  Her last congregation chartered a plane so they could all come. Really.

Maybe you wouldn’t get that kind of crowd today.  This was before funerals were “streamed” or “Skyped.”  There was all that inconvenience of taking time off from “regular” lives. We dressed in black, carried an adequate supply of Kleenex in our little black handbags, signed a hard cover book of condolences, not a virtual one, and dutifully filed past a beautiful 8x10, guaranteed to break your heart.

In life, if you play your cards right, when you go, someone delivers a nice eulogy on your behalf.  But today, one eulogy after the next knocked it out of the park.  As they say in the Book of Proverbs: “A Woman of Valor, who can find?  Her worth is far above rubies!”

We had been sisters.  Actually, there were three of us before the tragic and untimely demise of the eldest.  Now we were down to two, sitting tight… side by side… hunched together… listening.

Who were they talking about? Was this OUR sister?  The one who watched PBS, listened to NPR and had read “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” from cover to cover?  The one you called for answers to questions on potty training, pre-schools and puberty?  Only slightly older, she grew up beside us, but soon flew past us to college, to marriage, to motherhood, and somehow, under our radar, she managed to sail through so many lives, leaving a trail of lasting goodness.

Somewhere, after eulogy three or four, my remaining sister elbowed me and in a very hushed voice asked, “How do you think I’ll be remembered?”  She paused, and then whispered solemnly, in my ear, her own eulogy, “She played Mah Jong and Tennis.”  I squeezed her hand hard to suppress my laughter, and to keep from crying.

Soon, the events of the day were over.  The last words of consolation were uttered, the last guests had left, and I returned to my hotel room with my mind numb and my heart exhausted. Drifting off that night, I recalled my sister's words at the funeral when she posed the question “how would she be remembered?” Before dropping off to a night of deep, deep dreamless sleep, I mumbled to the walls,  “and how will I be remembered?”

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