MOTHERS DAY – YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE JEWISH, BUT IT WOULDN’T HURT!

To prepare for Mothers Day, I cranked up the old Victrola and listened to “My Yiddishe Momma.”  Well, actually it was a Neil Sedaka CD, but it could have been any version of this oft recorded sentimental ode to Jewish Motherhood. Recordings run the gamut from the Yiddish version by Cantor Yossele Rosenblatt, to Sophie Tucker, Connie Francis and Tom Jones in English. From Charles Aznavour, in French to Ray Charles on “The Nanny.”  Here is one verse, from the English version: 

How few were her pleasures
She never cared for fashion styles
Her jewels and her treasures
She found them in her baby's smiles
Oh I know that I owe what I am today
To that dear little lady who's gone away
To that wonderful Yiddishe momme
momme, momme of mine

Trust me, this is tame compared to the Yiddish version that talks about her going through “fire and water” for her children.

Jewish mothers have gotten a bum wrap thanks to Jewish-American books, plays and movies written by, you guessed it, Jews with mothers. It is a uniquely American sentiment… it didn’t exist in “the old country” where survival often depended on that strong woman’s intellect and tenacity. 

It is my sincere hope that the era of Jewish Mother bashing is coming to a close and that the Jewish Mother stereotype, along with that of the Jewish Princess and Domineering Jewish Wife can finally be put to rest.  It is interesting to note that the word “stereotype” had its beginning in the world of printing.  It was a process developed in France that enabled printers to create a plate that could be used to get the exact same image over and over again. It is also where we get the word cliché, which was the sound the machine made as the paper went through. Our modern stereotypes are just as inflexible

In 2013, six out of twelve Nobel laureates were Jewish. Since the prize was first awarded in 1901 approximately 193 of 855 honors (22%) have been Jewish.  Note: Jews currently make up less than 0.2% of the global population.  What did they all have in common? A high I.Q. no doubt, and Jewish mothers!

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg had a Jewish mother.  Her mom scrimped and saved and searched for bargains to put money away for Ruth’s education. Her mom died during Ruth’s senior year of high school, but not before her mom had inculcated her with an amazing value system.

Pianist and conductor Leonard Bernstein had a Jewish mother.  She put her foot down and told little Lenny that he couldn’t play baseball with the other kids because he might hurt his hands.  Good call Mrs. Bernstein.

Violinist Yitzhak Perlman’s mother might be called a ‘helicopter mom’ today.  She “hovered over” her son while he recovered from childhood polio, and insisted in raising him so that he did not feel “handicapped” even though he could only walk with crutches. When he won a chance to play on the Ed Sullivan show at age 13, she came with him from their home in Israel. They were poor and his mother couldn’t speak English.  They lived on sardines in New York… but Itzhak got a scholarship to Julliard, and things worked out nicely.

I might go on and on about Jewish Mothers in anticipation of Mothers Day, but for an amazing sound bite this week.  You might have heard part of it on the radio, or on TV, or have seen it on the Internet.  It is a moving tribute to one man’s love and respect for his mother, and speaks to the universal theme of maternal self-sacrifice. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house, or in the newsroom or on the Internet when NBA player Kevin Durant, the 25-year-old Oklahoma City Thunder power forward, received his first Most Valuable Player Award.  After thanking each and every person who had made his success possible, he turned to thank his mother with these words:

 “You kept us off the street; put clothes on our backs, food on the table. When you didn't eat, you made sure we ate. You went to sleep hungry. You sacrificed for us. You're the real MVP."

He sobbed as he spoke.  Kevin makes over $30 million a year, and the MVP award might have gone to his head.  But instead, this very fine young man had prefaced his words by saying to those around him,

 "When something good happens to you, I don't know about you guys, but I tend to look back to what brought me here. (to his mom) You woke me up in the middle of the night in the summer times, making me run up a hill, making me do push-ups, screaming at me from the sidelines at my games at 8 or 9 years old. “

Kevin’s heartfelt tribute to his mother, Wanda Pratt, went way past the biblical commandment to honor and respect one’s mother. As for Wanda Pratt, she certainly sounds like a self-sacrificing mother who would have done anything to build her child’s self esteem and help her child succeed. Oy, such a Jewish Mother! 

This Mothers Day, we acknowledge all our moms, and those “mom figures” in our lives that have taken over the role at various moments. Motherhood. It’s a difficult job, but someone’s gotta do it!

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Rose

KAROL WOJTYLA – BEFORE HE WAS A SAINT, HE WAS A MENSCH!

Talk about the “fast track to Sainthood! Pope John Paul II died in 2005. The Vatican waived the traditional five-year waiting period and started the paperwork ASAP and last week, only nine years after his death, he was pronounced Saint Pope John Paul II by the current pope!

It was “touch and go” there for a bit. You see it takes two confirmed miracles to start on the road to canonization. The Vatican’s definition of a miracle is the reversal of a medical condition that is sudden, complete, permanent and inexplicable.

He was fine on miracle number one, the total cure of a French nun suffering from Parkinson’s. However finding that second miracle was proving tricky. Then, this past July, another miracle came to light when a woman in Costa Rica, who was on death’s door with a brain aneurism, made a complete recovery after praying to the deceased Pope John Paul. Her recovery was vetted by Vatican physicians and BINGO!  Welcome St. Pope John Paul II!

I’m glad it all worked out in the end, because I have always been extremely fond of Pope John Paul II. I only wish I could have been on the nominating committee to help find those “miracles.”  Sure, I’m a rabbi in a small town in Virginia, and I’ve only spent a brief time in a convent, (an Episcopal convent, at that) but I would have gladly told them that in MY book, he was a “saint” and an “angel” and most importantly, a MENSCH long before he put on the White Mitre and moved to Vatican City.  He was already a MENSCH as the young man Karol Wojtyla, a young seminarian in Poland,

How many acts of MENSCH-HOOD did this man of God do?  According to research done by B’nai B’rith, there are a number of accounts of the young Polish priest intervening on behalf of Jews in Poland during the war and they believe that we will probably never know the extent of his decency and courage.  But for now, let me share two brief accounts which, though not the kind of miracles that count toward Sainthood, they are DEFINITELY the kind of ethical and morally decisive actions for which we, as members of the Jewish faith, can do no less than confer MENSCH-HOOD.

A 14-year-old Jewish girl named Edith Zierer, having just escaped from a Nazi labor camp, collapsed on a railway platform while Wojtyla was at the station. No one attended to her. Everyone ignored her. But he picked her up and carried her to the train, gave her food, and stayed with her until they reached Krakow where she had family.  She didn’t see him again until he became Pope John Paul II.  Edith credited the then future Pope with saving her life.

In 1942 the future Pope rescued a two-year-old Jewish boy by giving him to a gentile couple to be hidden.  The boy’s parents had died during the Holocaust, and after the war, the Catholic couple came to Wojtyla to baptize the boy.  He refused, (as he had refused other such requests) stating that the boy should be raised in the faith of his parents. He then arranged for the child to be sent to America where he could be raised by Jewish relatives.

Where did this deep-seated goodness come from?  Where did this kindness towards Jews come from at a time when it would have been so easy to turn away? What allowed his moral and ethical maturity to shine forth in one so young at the darkest of times?

Perhaps we can find the answer in the words of The Pirkei Avot, “Sayings of the Fathers,” a tractate of Mishna that deals specifically with matters of ethical behavior. The Hebrew, found in Pirke Avot 2:6 states: B’makom sh’ayn anasheem, heesh-ta dahl eesh. “ Where there are no men (persons) of character strive to be a man (person) of character.”  We are more familiar with the “Yinglish” version of this… “Where there are no MENSCHES, strive to be a MENSCH!”

Once, a long time ago, the young Karol Wojytola had a close circle of Jewish friends.  He witnessed, first hand, the ever-tightening noose around the necks of the Jews.  He saw people murdered in the street.  He understood the danger and yet, his actions and deeds proved that he was a Mensch.

He continued to “strive” towards Mensch-hood throughout his life, as he rose to higher and higher positions in the Church, and once he reached the pinnacle of Papal Power, he became the first Pope to address the ugly shadow that had hung over Catholic-Jewish relations since the war years, when Pope Pius XII was the Bishop of Rome. The healing process and apologies were very public and very sincere and included a pilgrimage to Israel and Yad VaShem,  (The Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem) accompanied by his Jewish childhood friend Jerzy Kluger with whom he was reunited in 1965.

As I said earlier, no one at the Vatican consulted me about either Miracles or Mensch-hood.  However, I would like to put in a good word for another “Saint-on-hold “ – Mother Theresa.

She was in “mensch-mode” from 1948 until her death in 1997.  Don’t take my word for it, for being a “Total Mensch” they gave her the Nobel Peace Prize. So, while the Vatican is still looking for that “second miracle” we can give her the Pirke Avot Award, for being a person of character in a world, and at a time when there are just not enough Mensches.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Rabbi Rose

Here is What is Missing From Our Passover Observance! Mimouna and Muffletas!

I always felt that something was missing from Passover. After all the “work up” to the holiday, the cleaning, the cooking, purging my house, truck and car of chumatz and all that effort to live in a “leaven-free environment,” Passover comes to such an abrupt end. After the “Sedar High” of being with friends and family and reliving the Exodus from Egypt, we go to the all time “low” of “chumetz - induced social isolation” and meals of “Kosher-for-Passover” ersatz food.

A few days before the end of Passover that little voice in the back of your head says, “ENOUGH ALREADY.” Then, you look at the calendar and try to figure what the LAST DAY actually is! Does your calendar know that Jewish holidays begin and end at sundown? Does it take into account that Jews in Israel celebrate fewer days than Jews in the Diaspora, or that Reform Jews observe fewer days than Conservative or Orthodox Jews in the US? Finally, you count the hours until the traditional end-of-Passover meal… PIZZA! Somehow, eating pizza, even as a communal activity, is just such a let down.

Well, I’ll tell you what is NOT on your calendar. The Jewish holiday of Mimouna! Not only isn’t it on your secular calendar, but it isn’t on your Jewish calendar either. It IS, however, a national holiday on the calendar in Israel and has been since the 50’s. Originally a Moroccan Jewish festival, it spread throughout the Sephardic (Jews of Spanish descent) and Mizrachi (Jews of eastern Muslim countries) communities in addition to those who came from the Mahgreb (North Africa).

Mimouna is a festive conclusion of Passover, as well as a celebration of Spring, renewal and CHAMETZ! Friends, family, and communities, gather to eat food that was forbidden during Passover. The key food is called a “muffleta,” which is a large, North African thin pancake (kind of like a giant crepe made from stretched dough and cooked in a frying pan) drizzled with honey-water. They are made in huge stacks and consumed in massive quantities. (While I sit eating Pizza from a cardboard box, my Sephardic friends send excited emails about their celebrations, I can only imagine the festivities while watching Youtube videos of women stretching and cooking their muffletas.)

What once was a friendly home observance is becoming politically and socially charged in Israel these days. National politicians flock to impoverished and unemployment-ridden cities like Lod and or Akiva, areas where Jews from Muslim countries were originally settled after being forced to flee their native Muslim homelands, as well as a variety of ‘development towns’ on Mimouna night for “photo ops” with local politicians wearing the traditional red tarboosh (fez).

But this year, there was a new and very positive twist on this very old tradition, or perhaps, a revitalization of the original custom. Originally, the Mimouna was a holiday that marked the good relations between Jews and their Muslim neighbors in Morocco. At the end of Passover, Jews would once again open their homes and their Muslim neighbors would bring presents and flour to prepare muflettas. In that same spirit, IRAC, the Israel Religious Action Center- of The Israel Movement for Pluralistic Judaism, is seeking to revitalize the original spirit of the festival as part of an initiative to create positive interactions between Jews and Arabs in Israel. They organized Mimouna festivities in Jerusalem and in Yaffo, where Jews and Arabs joined in eating mufflettas together. There was Eastern and Arabic music, and storytellers on hand to talk about the coexistence that once prevailed between Jews and Muslims in North Africa. It was a small step, but even small steps can bring people closer together, a little at a time.

I think we have a lot to learn from this festive moment on the Israeli calendar, a moment that should be reflected on all Jewish calendars in the Diaspora as well. We are a diverse people, with so much richness to share within the “multi-plex” that is Judaism. By only embracing the customs of Ashkenasic Judaism, we sell ourselves, and our joint heritage short, and miss the opportunity to expand our knowledge, our compassion, and our understanding of who we are, where we have come from, and where we are going.

Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Rose

WEGMAN’S IN GAINESVILLE SENDS A BIG “THANK YOU TO Fauquier Jewish Congregation” and we say “BACK AT YA!”

Rabbi’s Corner April 18, 2014 The Kosher Deli Counter at Wegman’s in Gainesville, Virginia can be a pretty lonely place. In fact, there was talk about downsizing or eliminating it. But this Passover, our membership let Wegman’s know that there ARE Jews out here! The staff and management are thrilled with the patronage of our community during the Passover season, and send us a big “THANK YOU.” When I visited before the holiday, I mentioned how difficult it was to find all the Kosher for Passover items in the store, since they were so spread out in different departments. I suggested to the manager that a sign might be helpful. When I returned a few days later, there was wonderful, professional signage in various locations with instructions on where to find additional Passover goods. While not under rabbinical supervision, Wegman’s sends its staff to school to study the laws of Kashrut and food preparation. The deli case was cleaned for Passover and paper lined the case, as is the custom. All foods in the deli case were prepared according to Passover Kashrut practices. Unlike last year, when Passover sales were so disappointing, with very slow or non-existent sales, this year, Passover foods were flying off the shelves, and out of the coolers and freezers. The Kosher Deli sold ten pounds of cooked brisket and a whole turkey within minutes of putting them in the case! Tzimmes, matzah balls, stuffed cabbage and salads rounded out the display. They even had fresh, already assembled Seder Plates, with horseradish, parsley, shank bone, hardboiled egg and charoset! When patrons were asked, “how did you find out about our Passover foods?” the response was, “through the Fauquier Jewish Congregation!” What a warm and wonderful relationship we are building for the future of the Jewish Community in our neck of the woods. Some of you already know that Gary and I “hang out” at the “Kosher for Passover” display at the back of the store, where we schmooze Jews and hand out business cards. I call it “trolling for Jews.” We get to meet very nice people who are very surprised to hear that FJC exists. We know from demographic information given to us from the Northern Virginia Jewish Community Center that Jewish migration is heading our way in significant numbers. Wegman’s Kosher section sends a very important signal to those families seeking a Jewish life in our part of Virginia. That is why I ask each and every one of you to make it your business to purchase a few items from the Kosher areas of the store whether or not you adhere to the Laws of Kashrut! Your patronage will ensure that you as well as future Jewish families will be able to have more of our needs met locally, and send the message that WE ARE HERE! I’m not receiving any endorsement money from Wegman’s, but it is my sole source for kosher corned beef and picked tomatoes. As we await spring temperatures and the end of Passover, I wish all of you, Rabbi Rose

From “Flower Power” to Bubbe and Zayde Power – How Did it Happen So Fast?

You might be old enough to be a Bubbe or Zayde if: you remember “Hair” on Broadway, the Who, the Doors, and the Beatles on the radio, the original “Star Trek” on TV, and “The Graduate” at the movies. You might be old enough to be a Bubbe or Zayde if : your TV shows were in black and white, you carried a transistor radio, had an eight-track tape player in your car, and owned a collection of 45‘s and LP’s  

If you answered “YES” to at least seven out of eight, you are old enough to join the honored ranks of BUBBES and ZAYDES throughout history.  You say you haven’t any grandchildren? Not an excuse. Bubbe and Zayde are a mindset!

Bubbehood and Zaydehood play an important role in Jewish Continuity.  It is our way to “pay it forward,” The “it” I’m referring to is a sense of Jewish history and heritage and “peoplehood.”

As a rabbi I can urge parents to send their kids to Jewish summer camps, to Hebrew School, to Israel on Birthright trips, and suggest to their older kids to check out Hillel and join J-Date.  We know from the statistics that these all lead to a greater sense of Jewish Identity.

But, in “Fiddler” Tevye sings about “TRADITION!”  He utters the line, “here in Anitvkah each one of us knows what to do and what God expects of him!”

Not so simple anymore, is it?  No longer are we cloistered away in shtetels or even just Jewish neighborhoods. And the large, extended Jewish family of the past is no more. Passing on the traditions of being culturally Jewish as well as the customs and rituals is difficult when Jewish grandparents don’t live nearby. Even more challenging is sharing Jewish “Tradition” in inter-faith families where Jewish grandparents may live far away, or are already gone.

There is a touching lament about a Zayde that asks the telling question: “Who will be the Zayde of my children, who will be the Zayde if not me.”  The song goes on to ask an even greater question: “Who will be the Zaydes of our children, Who will be their Zaydes, if not we?”

I’d like to illuminate this concept with a story. The first Passover after my father’s death was difficult. I held the seder in my house, with five of his grandchildren and eight of his great-grandchildren in attendance.  There were twenty-one of us, all together. Everyone settled into chairs at the extremely long table.  But he chair at the head of the table sat empty.   “Aunt Rozie, you sit THERE!” one of the girls said, pointing to the chair.  I turned to my brother-in-law and informed him that now it was HIS place at the table.  He protested, “but that’s Pop-pop’s chair!”   “Well, I said, it used to be his chair, but you are the grandfather now, and these are your grandchildren, so for their sake, you need to do it…YOU need to be the Zayde now, and don’t worry, I’ll conduct the seder. All you have to do is sit in that chair. And just one more thing, you have to dress up like the PHAROAH and bellow, ‘No, No, No, I will not let you go!’ And when I signal you, ransom the Afikommen.” 

Bubbes and Zaydes are still essential to Jewish life… and they needn’t even have a biological connection! Become a surrogate Bubbe or Zayde, a mentor, if you will. We hope you’ll find ways to share your warmth, skills, talents, traditions and history with the children of our synagogue community. Toward that end, I encourage all of you to set aside Friday May 16^th, for a Friday night Kabbalat Shabbat service led by the students of our Religious School. We won’t have a dinner beforehand, but there will be dessert!  And for all you newly deputized Bubbes and Zaydes, this would be a perfect opportunity to practice “Kvelling,” or as it might be translated from the Yiddish, “swelling up with exuberant pride.” The children and I are looking forward to sharing this special Shabbat with all of you.

Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Rose

Wegman’s Kosher Deli Department is in Passover Mode!

I live out in the mountains of Virginia. Most of my congregation lives just a little bit closer to civilization, but it's still not easy for most members to find Passover specific foods. Recently, I made a tour of our local Wegman's supermarket's Kosher Department, and provided the following report in our congregational news letter:

It is my fervent hope that you will patronize the department WHETHER OR NOT you keep a “Kosher for Passover” home.  Purchasing Passover foods at Wegman’s will ensure that those WHO DO will continue to have a source for Kosher and “Jewish” products in the future.   

On Wednesday, April 9, the Kosher Deli Department will be ridding itself of all chumatz!  Starting on Thursday, April 10, everything in the deli case will be made with Kosher for Passover ingredients.  While their deli is not under rabbinical supervision, their “Deli Guy” was sent by Wegman’s to “Kosher School” where he learned the fundamentals of Kashrut. 

In addition to the Deli Counter, Wegmans has laid in a full range of Passover foodstuffs!  Check out the refrigerated case across from the Kosher Deli Department!  In addition to a full spread of smoked fish, salami and Matzah Balls you’ll find Kosher for Passover:

Sweet Tzimmes

Carrot Tzimmes

Roaster Vegtable Kugel

Broccoli Kugel

Potato Kugel

Spinach Kugel

Apple Matzah Kugel

Sweet Potato Pie

Broccoli Souffle

The kiosk in front of the Kosher Deli Counter is layered with packages of Kosher for Passover cakes and cookies.

At the back of the store are two free -standing displays with ritual items, kosher wine and grape juice and the five-pound industrial size package of Matzah.  Also displayed are Passover macaroons, plates, napkins, toys and puzzles, borsht, potato pancake mix, marshmallows,  cake mixes, crackers, yahrzeit candles, and Passover Coca Cola (made with sugar instead of the usual corn syrup – look for the yellow cap!)  In addition to all the traditional Pesach candy, are my own personal favorites, Chocolate Locust and Chocolate Frogs.

Wishing you all a Sweet and Kosher Passover,

Rabbi Rose

If Charles Dickens Had Been Jewish

Nostalgia. No Jewish observance is quite as steeped in nostalgia as a Passover Seder.  We remember how it “used to be.” We remember where we were, the people we were with, how old we were at the time, and whether the matzah balls were fluffy or hard.  Do you flash back to dipping your pinky into the wine for the ten plagues? Does it feel like just yesterday you were the youngest, reciting the Four Questions? Did you commit them to memory at a tender age and can you still recall them? And maybe, just maybe, you have memories of finding the Afikomen.

 Some of us remember,  “never-ending traditional Seders” (with very little English) that weren’t over until the last song had been sung, no matter how long it took, or perhaps, in other years, ones that barely covered all the essentials.

Talk about Seder nostalgia, if you were raised in the US or Canada there was only one Haggadah, the free one from Maxwell House Coffee.  And given that we were all literally “on the same page” how is it that our experiences varied by so much? The Haggadah is pretty rigid. After all, the word “Seder” means “order.” What makes each and every Seder unique and memorable in its own way are the intangibles that each one of us brings to the table.

Had Charles Dickens been Jewish we’d have “A Passover Story” featuring visits by three spirits; the Spirits of Seders Past, Present and Future.  All three Spirits would circle the globe and pay a visit at every Seder table to remind us gently of the way it was, the way it is, and the way it could be. 

As time passes, we treasure our Passovers’ past memories more and more, whether that “past” is as near as last year; or as far away as a distant childhood, in another place and time.  Each Seder becomes “past” the moment we utter the final words, “NEXT YEAR IN JERUSALEM.”

That is why it is so important to make NEW memories. While families are becoming smaller and more physically distant from each other, other social units are picking up the slack.  We are starting to see Seders redefined by a new generation who, over time, will forge new friendships and relationships to either augment or supersede the extended family. Seders are taking place in alternative venues, and for those unable to attend a physical Seder, there are multiple cyber-Seders that transmit in “real time.” You can now purchase, on-line, over 35 modern Haggadot which range from the artistic to gender neutral, and thematic interpretations as well as children’s Passover Haggadot.  Self-publishing allows anyone to create their own, and technology allows us to download directly to our iPad.

As for nostalgia, hang on to that Maxwell House Haggadah, it may well be a valuable collector’s item one day… soon.

This Passover, three US Navy sailors will be holding a Seder in a nuclear submarine at the Arctic Circle. Why?  For the same reason we each seek out the opportunity to celebrate the Exodus from Egypt and recite these words:

In every generation each person is bound to regard himself as if he had gone personally forth from Egypt.