From “Flower Power” to Bubbe and Zayde Power – How Did it Happen So Fast?

You might be old enough to be a Bubbe or Zayde if: you remember “Hair” on Broadway, the Who, the Doors, and the Beatles on the radio, the original “Star Trek” on TV, and “The Graduate” at the movies. You might be old enough to be a Bubbe or Zayde if : your TV shows were in black and white, you carried a transistor radio, had an eight-track tape player in your car, and owned a collection of 45‘s and LP’s  

If you answered “YES” to at least seven out of eight, you are old enough to join the honored ranks of BUBBES and ZAYDES throughout history.  You say you haven’t any grandchildren? Not an excuse. Bubbe and Zayde are a mindset!

Bubbehood and Zaydehood play an important role in Jewish Continuity.  It is our way to “pay it forward,” The “it” I’m referring to is a sense of Jewish history and heritage and “peoplehood.”

As a rabbi I can urge parents to send their kids to Jewish summer camps, to Hebrew School, to Israel on Birthright trips, and suggest to their older kids to check out Hillel and join J-Date.  We know from the statistics that these all lead to a greater sense of Jewish Identity.

But, in “Fiddler” Tevye sings about “TRADITION!”  He utters the line, “here in Anitvkah each one of us knows what to do and what God expects of him!”

Not so simple anymore, is it?  No longer are we cloistered away in shtetels or even just Jewish neighborhoods. And the large, extended Jewish family of the past is no more. Passing on the traditions of being culturally Jewish as well as the customs and rituals is difficult when Jewish grandparents don’t live nearby. Even more challenging is sharing Jewish “Tradition” in inter-faith families where Jewish grandparents may live far away, or are already gone.

There is a touching lament about a Zayde that asks the telling question: “Who will be the Zayde of my children, who will be the Zayde if not me.”  The song goes on to ask an even greater question: “Who will be the Zaydes of our children, Who will be their Zaydes, if not we?”

I’d like to illuminate this concept with a story. The first Passover after my father’s death was difficult. I held the seder in my house, with five of his grandchildren and eight of his great-grandchildren in attendance.  There were twenty-one of us, all together. Everyone settled into chairs at the extremely long table.  But he chair at the head of the table sat empty.   “Aunt Rozie, you sit THERE!” one of the girls said, pointing to the chair.  I turned to my brother-in-law and informed him that now it was HIS place at the table.  He protested, “but that’s Pop-pop’s chair!”   “Well, I said, it used to be his chair, but you are the grandfather now, and these are your grandchildren, so for their sake, you need to do it…YOU need to be the Zayde now, and don’t worry, I’ll conduct the seder. All you have to do is sit in that chair. And just one more thing, you have to dress up like the PHAROAH and bellow, ‘No, No, No, I will not let you go!’ And when I signal you, ransom the Afikommen.” 

Bubbes and Zaydes are still essential to Jewish life… and they needn’t even have a biological connection! Become a surrogate Bubbe or Zayde, a mentor, if you will. We hope you’ll find ways to share your warmth, skills, talents, traditions and history with the children of our synagogue community. Toward that end, I encourage all of you to set aside Friday May 16^th, for a Friday night Kabbalat Shabbat service led by the students of our Religious School. We won’t have a dinner beforehand, but there will be dessert!  And for all you newly deputized Bubbes and Zaydes, this would be a perfect opportunity to practice “Kvelling,” or as it might be translated from the Yiddish, “swelling up with exuberant pride.” The children and I are looking forward to sharing this special Shabbat with all of you.

Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Rose

Wegman’s Kosher Deli Department is in Passover Mode!

I live out in the mountains of Virginia. Most of my congregation lives just a little bit closer to civilization, but it's still not easy for most members to find Passover specific foods. Recently, I made a tour of our local Wegman's supermarket's Kosher Department, and provided the following report in our congregational news letter:

It is my fervent hope that you will patronize the department WHETHER OR NOT you keep a “Kosher for Passover” home.  Purchasing Passover foods at Wegman’s will ensure that those WHO DO will continue to have a source for Kosher and “Jewish” products in the future.   

On Wednesday, April 9, the Kosher Deli Department will be ridding itself of all chumatz!  Starting on Thursday, April 10, everything in the deli case will be made with Kosher for Passover ingredients.  While their deli is not under rabbinical supervision, their “Deli Guy” was sent by Wegman’s to “Kosher School” where he learned the fundamentals of Kashrut. 

In addition to the Deli Counter, Wegmans has laid in a full range of Passover foodstuffs!  Check out the refrigerated case across from the Kosher Deli Department!  In addition to a full spread of smoked fish, salami and Matzah Balls you’ll find Kosher for Passover:

Sweet Tzimmes

Carrot Tzimmes

Roaster Vegtable Kugel

Broccoli Kugel

Potato Kugel

Spinach Kugel

Apple Matzah Kugel

Sweet Potato Pie

Broccoli Souffle

The kiosk in front of the Kosher Deli Counter is layered with packages of Kosher for Passover cakes and cookies.

At the back of the store are two free -standing displays with ritual items, kosher wine and grape juice and the five-pound industrial size package of Matzah.  Also displayed are Passover macaroons, plates, napkins, toys and puzzles, borsht, potato pancake mix, marshmallows,  cake mixes, crackers, yahrzeit candles, and Passover Coca Cola (made with sugar instead of the usual corn syrup – look for the yellow cap!)  In addition to all the traditional Pesach candy, are my own personal favorites, Chocolate Locust and Chocolate Frogs.

Wishing you all a Sweet and Kosher Passover,

Rabbi Rose

If Charles Dickens Had Been Jewish

Nostalgia. No Jewish observance is quite as steeped in nostalgia as a Passover Seder.  We remember how it “used to be.” We remember where we were, the people we were with, how old we were at the time, and whether the matzah balls were fluffy or hard.  Do you flash back to dipping your pinky into the wine for the ten plagues? Does it feel like just yesterday you were the youngest, reciting the Four Questions? Did you commit them to memory at a tender age and can you still recall them? And maybe, just maybe, you have memories of finding the Afikomen.

 Some of us remember,  “never-ending traditional Seders” (with very little English) that weren’t over until the last song had been sung, no matter how long it took, or perhaps, in other years, ones that barely covered all the essentials.

Talk about Seder nostalgia, if you were raised in the US or Canada there was only one Haggadah, the free one from Maxwell House Coffee.  And given that we were all literally “on the same page” how is it that our experiences varied by so much? The Haggadah is pretty rigid. After all, the word “Seder” means “order.” What makes each and every Seder unique and memorable in its own way are the intangibles that each one of us brings to the table.

Had Charles Dickens been Jewish we’d have “A Passover Story” featuring visits by three spirits; the Spirits of Seders Past, Present and Future.  All three Spirits would circle the globe and pay a visit at every Seder table to remind us gently of the way it was, the way it is, and the way it could be. 

As time passes, we treasure our Passovers’ past memories more and more, whether that “past” is as near as last year; or as far away as a distant childhood, in another place and time.  Each Seder becomes “past” the moment we utter the final words, “NEXT YEAR IN JERUSALEM.”

That is why it is so important to make NEW memories. While families are becoming smaller and more physically distant from each other, other social units are picking up the slack.  We are starting to see Seders redefined by a new generation who, over time, will forge new friendships and relationships to either augment or supersede the extended family. Seders are taking place in alternative venues, and for those unable to attend a physical Seder, there are multiple cyber-Seders that transmit in “real time.” You can now purchase, on-line, over 35 modern Haggadot which range from the artistic to gender neutral, and thematic interpretations as well as children’s Passover Haggadot.  Self-publishing allows anyone to create their own, and technology allows us to download directly to our iPad.

As for nostalgia, hang on to that Maxwell House Haggadah, it may well be a valuable collector’s item one day… soon.

This Passover, three US Navy sailors will be holding a Seder in a nuclear submarine at the Arctic Circle. Why?  For the same reason we each seek out the opportunity to celebrate the Exodus from Egypt and recite these words:

In every generation each person is bound to regard himself as if he had gone personally forth from Egypt.

Shelves lined with Chocolate Bunnies, Marshmallow Peeps, and Cadbury Eggs – It can only mean ONE Thing! Passover is almost here!!!!!

Why is it that we know months in advance when a non-Jewish holiday is coming?  When the retailer’s color motif is orange and black, Halloween is just around the corner. When malls are decked in red and green, and incessant seasonal tunes echo in our ears, we know Christmas is near. When CVS and Walgreens are awash with red and pink, could Valentine’s Day be far away?

But JEWISH holidays sneak up on you. Unless you live where the supermarket puts a large display of Kosher l’Pesach Matzah and Gefilite Fish at the front of the store, or a rack of Hagaddahs near the Maxwell House coffee, you wouldn’t have a clue!

So let me help you out. Passover begins this year on Monday night, April 14^th at sunset.  Don’t panic, but you only have a little over two weeks to think about it and make Seder plans!

Ah, but what about those chocolate bunnies? What about Easter? If you have an inter-faith family, you can relax a little. This year Easter falls on Sunday, April 20^th.  Last year Passover and Easter coincided, no doubt causing stress at many levels. Easter and Passover share several obvious things, “greens”, “eggs”, “lamb” “wine” and a “cracker.”  But both holidays have, at their core, an element of “reaffirmation of membership in the tribe.”  Both have themes of “communion” or “unity” at the center of their observance.  This can be felt as a spiritual union, or in a more secular view as a relational one, as simply a close association with the group.

If you come from a traditional Jewish background, you probably did not have Gentiles at your Passover Seder, and wondered why.  If you are Gentile, you probably weren’t invited, and wondered why. Looking back, it was probably as perplexing to the Jew as the Gentile.  Was this a “custom” or a “law?” Simply put, the Torah says we were not to share the roasted paschal lamb with those who are uncircumcised. This law only existed in Temple times, when sacrifices were made. A Gentile eating of that lamb would be equivalent to a Jew being given a communion wafer at Easter.

But here we are in America, in 2014. If we went by this antiquated custom today, our Seder Table would have many empty place settings! Nearly half of all Jewish families today are to some extent interfaith families, and with that figure comes adjustments and compromise for both partners in a marriage. All holidays, Jewish or Gentile, carry with them some innate stress. Be it good stress or bad stress, psychologists will tell you “stress is stress.” That is why the writers of movies and ‘sit coms’ love Thanksgiving.  It gives them a chance to portray both the ideal AND the dysfunctional American family at holiday time!

In planning your “Spring Holidays” here are four Jewish concepts to keep in mind as you reflect on making your Passover comfortable and inclusive:

Mipnei Darkei Shalom - Mishum Eiva: Literally, “to walk in ways of peace or: to prevent animosity”, that is to foster a positive relationship between religions and people.

Mishum Kiruv: Bringing people close

Mishum K'vod Horim: Respecting one's parents, honoring a non-Jewish parent.

Mishum Chinuch : Educating those who attend.

Passover is meant to be a time when we reaffirm our Jewish Identity; how much more so when we share our Seder and our story with family and friends of all faiths.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Rose

“If You Like Your Synagogue, You Can Keep Your Synagogue”

 THIS SPECIAL PURIM EDITION is reprinted with thanks to “Jewish HumorCentral”

“JUDAICARE” PROGRAM PLANNED TO ENSURE THAT

ALL JEWS HAVE SYNAGOGUE MEMBERSHIP

FAIR LAWN, March 16 – The Pew survey of U. S. Jews released last October has resulted in an unprecedented synagogue membership initiative undertaken by the Conference of Presidents of Major Conferences of Presidents of Major Jewish Organizations  (COPOMCOPOMJO).

The survey showed that less than one-third of American Jews say they belong to a synagogue. Twenty-three percent of U.S. Jews say they attend synagogue at least once or twice a month. Forty-six percent of Jewish households report that they pay dues to a synagogue or temple in the area, and 76 percent report attending services at least on the High Holidays and some as often as weekly.

In order to increase these numbers and ensure that all Jews have synagogue membership, the Jewish leaders are implementing the Affordable Synagogue Membership Plan (ASMP), also known as Judaicare. The plan will enroll members through an exchange, enabling all Jews to choose the membership plan that best suits them. Participants must choose a plan before Rosh Hashanah, when the price of their admission to services will double if they are not listed on the membership rolls.

This penalty, or tax, or mandate, will be offset by subsidies in cases of hardship, although so far nobody has any idea where the money to pay the subsidies will come from. When they log on to the website, www.judaicare.org, they will have a choice of affiliating with an Haredi, Yeshivish, Orthodox, Modern Orthodox, Sephardic, Conservadox, Flexidox, Conservative, Reformative, Reform, or Reconstructionist congregation. There will be no penalty for switching from a pre-existing denominational affiliation to a new one.

In each region there will be a choice of plans, but because COPOMCOPOMJO is instituting minimum standards for synagogue services and related programs, the cost of all

membership plans is expected to increase significantly. Enrollees may find that the cost of hot kiddushes with chulent, kugel, sushi, and single malt scotch in every synagogue, and support of mikvah, may experience sticker shock when they see the actual cost of membership.

Congregants will not be required to change their membership. COPOMCOPOMJO President Moishe Kapoier (in Yiddish, a Moishe Kapoyr is someone who always appears to do things in a way diametrically opposed to they way they should be done) declared that “If you like your synagogue, you can keep your synagogue.” But the cost of all memberships is likely to rise because younger people, who are not used to paying dues, may decide it’s more economical for them to pay double for High Holiday seats rather than pay a high membership fee for services that they don’t plan to use.

If younger people don’t sign up in the large numbers needed to keep Judaicare solvent, leaders are considering the imposition of surcharges on the membership plans of congregants who exceed usage of available resources.

Glitches continue to occur during the rollout of the system. Individual members who have logged onto the website are finding that when they try to sign up for membership in their own synagogue which they were assured they could keep, they are being told that the only shuls available are Temple Ohev Kessef  (Temple “lovers of large sums of money”) and Congregation Shomrei Negiah (Congregation “no touching members of the opposite sex”), both located in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn.

At press time, neither the rabbis of these two synagogues nor the administrators of Judaicare could be reached for comment.

Have a Happy Purim! Eat, Drink Responsibly and Be Merry.

Rabbi Rose

Usually a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words – But This One Picture Spoke Volumes!

My “In Box” brought me a beautiful photo this week.  It was a picture of a Bris celebration, with both sets of grandparents, the young couple and the new baby.  At first glance, it is a typical Bris picture with everyone “kvelling” (bursting with pride) over the latest leaf on the family tree.

I took one look at the new grandparents, in the front row of the photo, holding the baby and chills went up and down my spine.  To the left was saba (grandfather) Rabbi Michael Levy and to the right safta (grandmother) Chava Willig Levy.  Both Michael and Chava are incredibly accomplished, warm and wonderful people, the kind of people who deserve everything good in the world.

Michael and Chava have a love story so wonderful that the New York Times wrote an article about it last year, on the occasion of their 30^th anniversary!  You see Michael has been blind since birth and Chava has been wheelchair bound since getting out of an iron lung after surviving polio as a child.  For ten years prior to marrying, their paths crossed multiple times, yet they never met.  First she heard him singing in a concert in Jerusalem, then he heard her sing at a concert in New York.  Eventually they did meet, and found that they shared so many interests, and they knew right away that they wanted to get married. Their wedding vows included this statement of love, and caring, and hope, “I will be her legs and she will be my eyes.”

Seeing them now, it is hard to believe how many people were against this marriage, saying that two people with their limitations could not possibly make a life together, but as Michael said in the Times interview, “We are both very attached to Jewish tradition, we both love music, words, kids, even though we both have disabilities.”

Over time, Michael became a rabbi, received a degree in Social Work, and advocated to make New York City’s transportation system accessible to persons with disabilities and to remove architectural barriers in public buildings. Chava received her B.A. in French literature from Yeshiva University and an M.A. in counseling psychology from Columbia, and became an accomplished writer and motivational speaker. She has just just released her latest book, a memoir called “A Life Not With Standing.”

Seeing them now, after so many years, holding their grandson and reflecting on their lives together reminded me of a midrash, a story that helps illuminate points in the Torah. This midrash asks the question, “What has God been doing since finishing the task of Creation?” The answer -- God undertook the most difficult job possible.  He has spent all his time since the Seventh Day of Creation making shidachs “arranging marriages,” putting together those who are destined for each other, or as we say in Yiddish, “B’shert.” God certainly looked beyond Michal and Chava’s limitations, and saw only the possibilities.

Putin Fiddled While Kiev Burned – Trouble for the Jews of Ukraine

As a Jew, it is a remarkable privilege to live in the United States, where we never question our safety. The fifty billion dollar Sochi Olympics are over.  Baruch Hashem.  Vladimir Putin showed the world Russia’s greatness and modernity.  But the past two weeks also brought upheaval in Ukraine.  Stories of rioting and bloodshed in Kiev vied with weather reports from Sochi for nightly news coverage.

But for Jews, the past two weeks have been filled with trepidation.  Historically Jews and Jewish communities’ knee jerk response to any political decisions is the standard: Is it good or bad for the Jews?  The tiniest tremble in the status quo can wreak havoc on Jewish life.  And so it is with this past week’s seismic rumblings in Ukraine.  What is happening isn’t and won’t be good for the Jews.

You might have to dig in the American & Israeli press to get the details in Ukraine.  That is why I wanted to give you a few words today on the situation, which we know is changing hourly.

·      The four Jewish day schools run by ORT in Kiev have hired armed guards to protect their students.  The cost of this is currently being paid by ORT, a world- wide Jewish organization that provides education and training. 

·      Director of the Federation of Jewish Organizations in Europe, Rabbi Menahem Margolin, has informed the Prime Minister and Defense Minister of Israel of a growing feeling of dread among Jewish communities in Ukraine in the last few days, as the anti-Semitic wave grows.

·      A fire bomb was thrown at a synagogue in Zhprozha,  250 miles east of Kiev.

·      Threatening messages targeted at Jews, such as a message telling the rabbi of Krivoy Rog that he must leave the city within 72 hours.

·      Kiev Rabbi Moshe Azman urged Jews to leave the country fearing they could become victims of the post-revolution chaos.

Ironically, many of the protestors that fought and died in Kiev were, in fact, Jews.  One of those who died was a Veteran of the Afghan war. He took it upon himself to train the protestors, after witnessing the cruel treatment of student protestors by the police.  Prior to a Jewish funeral, his body was brought to the Museum of Bukovinian Jewish History and Culture where over 10,000 people came to honor him.

I hope you will take it upon yourself to keep informed of the events in Ukraine.  It won’t be easy, since both Israeli and American politicians remain painfully silent.  Whatever happens next, it looks like it won’t be good for the Jews of Ukraine.  One emerging new party unfortunately is openly neo-Nazi.  Anti-Semitism has always been just below the surface in Ukraine, and now it is bubbling to the top. I would be remiss if I didn’t make the historical connection that not long ago, in 1941, over the course of only 2 days, 33,000 Jews were shot and killed just outside of Kiev, in a place called Babi Yar. Let us pray for good things for the Jews of Ukraine as a new government emerges, and be prepared to contribute to their assistance, if necessary.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Rose