Asking
“forgiveness” is a huge part of the Rosh Hashanah – Yom Kippur Liturgy. The “Al Chet” prayer gives a litany of
misdeeds from Alef-Tav. (For a full listing of all your misdeeds, Google “Al Chet.”)
Those
of us who read the list in the English instead of in Hebrew are truly misled by
the poor translation. The key words, Al
Chet are translated in the High Holiday Machzor (prayerbook) as “We Have Sinned.”
The
problem is that ‘sin’ is not a
particularly “Jewish” concept. In fact, Hebrew has no word for sin. So why translate it that way? Well, “Al Chet”
was a concept that earlier generations understood. The words “Al Chet” refer to a Hebrew archery term,
“missing the mark.” God has set certain
expectations of behavior, and WE have fallen short. God set up a target of expectations, and we,
as individuals and as community, have let fly our arrows throughout the year
and missed the bull’s eye.
If
you’ve ever shot an arrow, (yes, my years at Jewish Summer Camp included
archery) you know that the only way you get good at it is by working at it. You
quickly learn that if you keep the same stance, pull the same way, let fly the
same way, you will never improve and therefore YOU WILL ALWAYS MISS THE
MARK.
During
the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we don’t just “reflect” on our
behavior, we consciously work on changing our behavior, so that when faced with
the same situation again, we do not repeat the same mistake. In the words of Albert Einstein, the
definition of insanity is doing the
same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
So,
we’ve worked on improving our aim, we’ve asked forgiveness of those we have
wronged, we have made our peace with God. What is left to do? FORGIVE YOURSELF. I know what you are thinking… forgiving
YOURSELF doesn’t seem very Jewish either…. We couldn’t have JEWISH GUILT if we
forgave ourselves… not only might we lose a key component of being Jewish, but
we would lose the punch line of almost HALF of all JEWISH JOKES (and all Jewish Mother jokes).
Dr.
Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist and author of “Buddah’s Brain: The
Practical
Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom” writes, “Everyone messes up. It is important to acknowledge mistakes, feel
appropriate remorse, learn from them so they don’t happen again.” He goes on to say that most people keep beating
themselves up way past the point of usefulness.
He
contends that there are two (among many) voices in your head. The “inner
critic” who never stops finding fault with you, who magnifies your failings and
punishes you over and over again… and who doesn’t even give brownie points for
trying to make amends. The second voice,
the “inner protector” has the important role of telling “the critic” to shut
up. This helps you see things in perspective, gets rid of the awful feeling,
lets you clean up your mess so you can work on “hitting the mark”.
From
a psychological point of view “the only wholesome purpose of guilt, shame or
remorse is learning…not punishment.” But how do you move on? From a Jewish perspective,
other than just beating your chest, what formula can you use to forgive and
heal yourself? Hansen offers 11 steps,
which I will trim down to 4.
First
– Acknowledge what moral faults you are responsible for (list them).
Second
– List what you are NOT responsible for (misinterpretations of others).
Third
– Reflect with the help of your “inner protector” to see if you need to repair
relationships or make amends.
Fourth
– Actively forgive yourself for what you have done and then say “I forgive
myself for (list what you wish to forgive yourself for). I have taken
responsibility and done what I could to make things better.” Then give it some
time to sink in.
I
hope your spiritual workout goes well this week. Ask for forgiveness, work hard on plans to
“hit the mark” in the coming year, and, for your own sanity and spiritual health
don’t forget to FORGIVE YOURSELF!
May
you be written in the Book of Life for a good year.
Rabbi
Rose Jacob
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