It’s the month of JUNE, and
as the song from the musical “Carousel” says, “June is Bustin’ Out all Over.” There is something so “ripe” about June. And,
of course, in America June is “wedding month.” There are bridal magazines peering
out at us from the racks at CVS, and no fewer than twenty-four wedding reality TV
shows covering everything from destination weddings to honeymoon expectations,
from chocolate fountains to wedding cake assembly. How easy it is to lose focus on what really
matters given the hoopla and hype of the average Jewish – American wedding.
How do you make holy this
most intimate of Jewish rituals, the union of two people, two souls, two
destinies that will merge with the recitation of seven blessings, some
carefully chosen words repeated after the rabbi, and the gift of a gold
band. How can a couple deepen the
experience? I suggest dipping into the
well of Jewish spirituality and mythology.
According to the Zohar, a
mystical Jewish text, all souls are initially both male and female. However when they are born into this world,
the male and female parts of the soul go their separate ways, the male soul to
dwell in a male body and the female soul to dwell in a female body. If they are worthy, they will unite in
marriage, restoring their original unity.
That is why a person’s loved one is called a soul mate, for together
they form a single unit in every way: body and soul.
This myth answers the
question of what God has been doing since he completed the creation of the
world! He has been making matches, and each one is a difficult task, even for
GOD! This makes God a shadkhan – a
matchmaker. (Like Yenta in “Fiddler on the Roof”) This myth also explains the Jewish concept of
Bashert, in which it is believed that
each person has a beshert or destined
one, and that the match was made in heaven.
This week I will have the
honor of officiating at what is often called a “Renewal of Vows” ceremony. (In the case of a Jewish couple, this isn’t
quite right since the Jewish marriage service DOES NOT include an exchange of
vows.) This couple has been married for forty years, and they will stand under
the chuppah (wedding canopy) once
again as a bride and groom. I LOVE
officiating at this kind of ceremony…whether it is forty, fifty or sixty years
since the couple first walked down the aisle, with loving parents on either
side accompanying first the groom and then the bride, to the chuppah.
These loving parents had prayed to God at birth and at Bar Mitzvah, to live
long enough to bring their children to the wedding canopy and their prayers had
been answered.
Watching couples who are
making that return trip to the wedding canopy, be it forty, or fifty or sixty
years later, it is obvious to all in attendance that God has once again, forged
the perfect match, the perfect shidach,
reuniting the two halves that were destined, intended, to make a perfect union. Watching the glow that only seems to come
with age, like a fine patina on a treasured piece of jewelry, the words of the
Creation story are reflected in their eyes.
“The
Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a fitting
helper for him.” So the Lord God cast a
deep sleep upon the man; and while he slept, he took one of his ribs and closed
up the flesh at that spot. The Lord God
fashioned the rib that he had taken from the man into a woman; and he brought
her to the man. Then the man said, “This
one at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This one shall be called woman, for from man
was she taken.” Hence a man leaves his
father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh.”
Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Rose
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